last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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