I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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