honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
