we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
