Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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