We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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