and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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