So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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