I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
the raccoons are back...
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