called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
