Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
