So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize