walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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