Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
