You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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