Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
