If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
