Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
