i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
