well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
