she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.