I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.