I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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