Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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