I think scott just propositioned me for sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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