she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you win again, gameday.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
