I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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