I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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