Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
