My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
