I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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