I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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