My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
