I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
they're like a gay fantastic four
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
