he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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