I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
