I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize