This is not my ceiling
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
