I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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