She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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