this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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