What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
