So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize