dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
