can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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