have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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