somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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