An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
