there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I currently don't understand fingers.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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