I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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