I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
