I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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