Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
