I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize