I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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