I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
