4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
