People with herpes should wear stickers.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
