I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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