id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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