first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just pee around me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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