Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize