dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
