Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Even my vagina gasped.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
