Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
