hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
