oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
