please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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