If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Randomize
