I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
