You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
