God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
