Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
