my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
