Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
