I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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