I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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